I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
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you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
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She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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