winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
