Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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