I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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