I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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