I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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