your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
