Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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