ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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