My first STD was from a foam party
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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