i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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