so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
