i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize