she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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