between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
