is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
