i may or may not be watching the land before time
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
