i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Boobs are out for the taking
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
