what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
