he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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