The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Of course I have a pirate flag
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I deserve this hangover.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
