There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
