U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
