am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
