she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
