I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
