we should wear snuggies to the strip club
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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