I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
