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• (604): View more from British Columbia

  it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you

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• (212): View more from New York

  I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?

  (1-816): View more from Missouri

  Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (410): View more from Maryland

  It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.

  (747): View more from California

  Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.

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• (360): View more from Washington

  Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded

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• (206): View more from Washington

  No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.

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• 

  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (828): View more from North Carolina

  We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's

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• (606): View more from Kentucky

  Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  I threw up in my brother's Easter basket

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.

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• (510): View more from California

  After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

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• (864): View more from South Carolina

  im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake

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