it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
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It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
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We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake