I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
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How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
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Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.