Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
