hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
