I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking