You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
