Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability