there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
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I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"