dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Randomize
