Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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