I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
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sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
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She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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