i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
