i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
