I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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