If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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