She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Two words: blizzard sex
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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