is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Someone came in the potted fern
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
