My liver just broke up with me...
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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