Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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