the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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