I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
