i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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