New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
