i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
