I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
