i permit you to call me
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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