Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
