You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
