It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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