my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
