So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
