girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize