i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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