you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
