i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
