you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
