you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
