omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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