He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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