we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
When are your genitals available?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
