his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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