I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
