Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
