I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
There's always time for handjobs
This baby is an asshole
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
