her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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