Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
