Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
