i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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