you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
