so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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