Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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