The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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