I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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