You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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