That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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