I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
