Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
