Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
