susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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