Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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