I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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