I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
